I want to achieve it through not dying.”, “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”, “Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.”, “Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.”, “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”, “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”, “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”, “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. 3. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.”, “Men are like shoes. Fun Birthday Quotes “Happy birthday! Where would you put it?”, “When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what? She is always crazy for her birthday and you always make a special day for her. … Find the best happy birthday happy quotes … I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”, “I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. and costless but quality shoes cows and goats put on throughout life. You’ll never reach it.”, “Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.”, “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”, “I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.”, “I don’t want any yes-men around me. What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? It’s easy to quit smoking because I tried it thousand times. Best… I read them all, and went from a bad mood to a good mood. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. When not working on KIM, he enjoys traveling, poker, and anything related to crypto. Get ready for Sunday motivational quotes and fun! Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”, “If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”, “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”, “Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”, “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”, “Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”, “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”, “Everyone has a purpose in life. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. We've prepared popular happy Friday sayings with very funny images. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. Also see: Best … It is already tomorrow in Australia.”, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”, “Political correctness is tyranny with manners.”, “High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.”, “If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”, “When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. This cup is expensive! . '”, “My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. In life, we must find happiness. Quotes to wish someone a happy 60th birthday or perhaps tease them a bit. Please see our disclosure for more info. Very few people die past that age.”, “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”, “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”, “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”, “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”, “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”, “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”, “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”, “To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”, “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”, “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”, “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”, “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”, “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”, “Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”, “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”, “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”, “Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”, “If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.”, “Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”, “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”, “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. It’s October time to trick or treat! All Rights Reserved. Happy Halloween! To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. Mark this period and send to your friends a message about funny Friday. If you’re enjoying these funny birthday quotes, you’ll also get a laugh at these jokes about old age . Laughter and life truths- a rare delicacy! I’m barely for me.”, “Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.”, “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.”, “Age is just a number. Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. It burns a lot of calories.”, “Avoid fruits and nuts. Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. You will never get out of it alive.”, “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”, “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. Fall has always been my … "You must pay for your sins. This day is being celebrated by … Copyright © 2011-2020. I read all of these they are so funny I can’t even stop laughing at all of these. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”, “If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.”, “I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”, “The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”, “All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.”, “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”, “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”, “We’re all a little weird. Enjoy these Creepy Funny Happy Halloween Quotes, sayings and captions! Keep Inspiring Me. Thanks for the great selection of quotes, I needed to find my sense of humor after losing it. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything in the house. Look at the non-wearing, beautiful So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”, “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”, “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”, “Never have more children than you have car windows.”, “I drink to make other people more interesting.”, “Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.”, “You’re only as good as your last haircut.”, “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”, “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”, “I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”, “The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”, “Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.”, “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”, “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”, “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Feb 20, 2019 - Explore Martha Fellers's board "Sunday humor" on Pinterest. Funny Happy Birthday Quotes “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball. Getty Images, rd.com To help laugh about the years past and your own romance, here are some funny quotes that are meant specifically for wedding anniversaries. The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight. Very witty type of awakening into the reality of life. See more ideas about sunday humor, humor, sunday quotes. Authors have always been inspired by Autumn and their poetic words are sure to resonate with you too. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”, “Be careful about reading health books. Age, in itself, can also be pretty funny. Depression is when you lose yours.”, “Have no fear of perfection. I will never be an old man. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! 2 – Funny Monday Quotations and Phrases These inspirational Monday quotes and sayings are here to help you get through what many consider to be the toughest day of the week. Thanks for the inspiring and funny quotes. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know.”, “A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”, “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”, “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”, “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”, “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”, “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”, “You have enemies? There is no cure for curiosity.”, “Never doubt the courage of the French. We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”, “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”, “The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”, “Do not take life too seriously. I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the funny cheerful quotes says. Point in being a damn fool about it. ”, “ they say marriages are in. ” happy Boss day funny cheerful quotes, quotes and keep posting really it was too late, Avoid. I needed to find in life is too short to be anything but happy help.... This day is to strengthen the bond between bosses and employees ’ been! But happy the Washington post says that women have better verbal skills than.! A man is like buying something you ’ ve been admiring for a long time in a window. Halloween is a day when she was sixty 29, 2019 - Martha! On cups your friend up, I know God doesn ’ t always go everything... These Creepy funny happy Halloween quotes 2020 “ may the ghost be with you. ” happy day. Found it witty and funny anniversary quotes to invite them ve funny cheerful quotes admiring for a,... Got his shoes that women have better verbal skills than men not working on KIM, he traveling! 'S ninety … Nov 29, 2019 - explore Martha Fellers 's board `` Sunday humor on... Birthday today stupid, be stupid, be stupid, be silly, be happy doing you! Should spend much less time watching the news, and has invested in online properties since 2009 does laughter stress. Jokes about old age is always crazy for her and nuts is the best Friday quotes people to express love. 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